Gatlinburg Tennessee PART 1

This is the cabin we stayed in. It was really big and cozy! My computer is acting funny tonight, so I will post "Part 2" tomorrow! Have a great night!!

The Weekend

We are back from Tennessee! Unfortunately. I could have stayed there forever! It was a mountaintop experience in more ways than one. I have LOTS and LOTS of pictures to share. I will post them tomorrow. I am too tired tonight. It's only 7:30, but I am heading to bed. I cannot run with teenagers anymore! We did not get much sleep!

It was nice to get away from the adoption process for a whole weekend. God really allowed me to have a clear head and I actually did not think about it. I praise Him for that! If PGN lasts much longer, I will probably have to "get away" alot more. It was really good for my sanity. The kids were so much fun.

Well, I'm closing for tonight. Tune in tomorrow for pics! THANK GOODNESS TOMORROW'S MONDAY--- PGN WILL BE UP AND RUNNING AGAIN! Bring us OUT, Lord!!

Mini-Vacation

We are leaving at 4:30 today for Gatlinburg Tennessee! I am getting myself worked up this morning to go. Technically it is a retreat for the youth at our church. For me?? It's my mini-vacation! No phones, no adoption talk, no emails every 30 seconds, no work etc.... Just the mountains and a HUGE log cabin with lots of games for our enjoyment!

I will not have my computer, so I will not be able to take you along with me. I will, however, take LOTS of pictures and share them when we get back. We are not coming home until Sunday evening. Unless I figure out a way to stay until JP comes home---so, if you do not hear from me by Monday, I'm camped out next to a river somewhere! (I wish!)

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I will be praying for good news for all of us Guatemamas. See you Monday!

I have been racking my brain all afternoon. I'm trying to come up with ways to get in a better mood. I have felt so mad and angry lately! I hate feeling this way.


I would love to tell you that I came home from work, read my Bible, prayed. REALLY spent some alone time with God. Then I would tell you what a difference it made in my overall attitude. I would tell you that I felt the Spirit move within me and immediately I felt cheery again. Knowing that all would eventually be well at the Beam house.

However, I cannot tell you that. I am in a better mood though. Know why?? Because I am headed to ..............



That's right!! Coconut Shrimp appetizer, here I come! WOO-HOO!

And to top it all off---I AM TAKING A DAY OFF WORK TOMORROW!! YIPPEE! So, all my lovely co-workers who follow my blog... ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I will be thinking of you all while I'm sleeping in tomorrow! Have a great day!

Not The Most Encouraging Post

I have not had a good day. I am sad and have cried alot. I woke up this morning unsure of why I was feeling this way, but as the morning went on I figured it out. I talked to my caseworker yesterday. She asked me how I was holding up. So I told her. I told her that it was very difficult to go back to waiting after we had celebrated our adoption being final. I told her that there were several milestones approaching (Mother's Day, beach vacation, 1st birthday etc..) and it scared me to death to think of JP not being here with us for them. I guess part of me was fishing for some encouragement. Nothing special, you know just, "Oh, don't worry Andrea, he'll come before then," or "you know you've been in a while with no kick outs, I'm sure every thing's fine." That would have been nice. What did she say?? "Everything happens in God's timing."

Whew!!!!!!!! I HAD NOT THOUGHT OF THAT!!!! THANK YOU FOR THE THOUGHT! NOW I FEEL MUCH BETTER.

If JP is not with us for Mother's Day, our beach trip the first of June, or for his first birthday, it's okay with me now that I know it was God's timing!! (Sense the sarcasm in my voice.) I need to go back to my "Top 10" list and add this one! Since yesterday, I have had two other well-meaning people tell me the same thing. YUK! YUK! YUK! I am about to give you my opinion on this subject.

I believe that some things happen that are not necessarily God's will. I do not believe that it is God's will for JP to still be living in an orphanage instead of here with me. I believe that he is still living in the orphanage because the director of PGN is making it difficult for us to bring him home. Now, is God allowing it to happen this way? Absolutely. I do not know the reasons why, but I am sure there are many. So, because I know this, I am mad! It is not right! And I do not need people (my caseworker) telling me that it is God's will and God's timing! I need her to allow me to be upset about what's going on in that country and scream if I want to. Note to people who have friends who are adopting: don't say this!!! If we are upset, just cry with us. Just hug us. Just get mad with us. Whatever you feel like doing. Just do not tell us that it's the Lord's will for us to be a country away from our babies! Hearing that does not make it feel any better. It actually makes me feel like, because I know that, I should suck it up, act like a good little Christian girl, and move on.

When I was little, my older brother was sick with Cancer. He died when we were young. I can't tell you how many people would come up to my mom and say, "It must have been the Lord's will," or "It was his time to go." Again I say, what???? No it was not!! He died because we live in an imperfect world and his body was unable to fight off the cancer. Hearing this didn't help my mother, it infuriated her! I am not comparing waiting on JP to losing a child. I am only saying that my mom just needed someone to be mad with her, cry with her, hurt with her.

I do too! I am completely and 100% in love with the Lord. I love talking to Him, reading His Word and listening for Him to speak. But I also know He has a perfect will and a permissive will. There will probably be someone or even a few people who will read this and disagree or be offended by what I've said. That's okay. We do not all have to agree. I just have my opinion. Maybe I should not express it on a day when I am furious! Oh well, I did create this blog for this reason. It's all a part of my "Journey Through Adoption."

I am going to try and go to bed now. I will tune in to American Idol 5 minutes before it ends to see who's voted off! (I'm not too sad for that! ha!) I will end on a positive note. My blog-friend, Lou is going to leave for Guatemala next month to be with her precious daughter until she's out of PGN! CONGRATULATIONS, LOU!

Hopefully I did not scare anyone away from my blog!! Goodnight!

You Know I'm Desperate and Depressed When....

I COOKED DINNER!!!! I knew that if I did not take pictures of everything, those who know and love me the most would NEVER have believed it! Now under normal circumstances when I say that I "cooked dinner" what I am really saying is, "I opened up a hamburger helper box," or "I filled a bowl with cereal."

Until tonight! I actually cooked a real meal! We all know that when we go through trials in our lives, God uses them for good. Well, Scott thanked the good Lord when he got home from work and saw that I had cube steak, macaroni & cheese (not Kraft Cheesy Mac) rice & gravy, green beans and biscuits! All because I needed something to do with my time!

So, I hope you're sitting down! What you are about to see will shock most of you!

In the beginning...

The aftermath....

The proof....

The finished product.....

The "happy plate..."

The clean dishes....

The clean counter top.....

The beautiful flowers that my sweet husband bought me the day before!



THE END!

Sunday

We had a great time at church today. We went through the "New Members" class and officially joined 5 Point Fellowship! That was exciting! We are very excited and anxious to see what God is going to do there! We feel very honored to be a part of it!

And, yes, I survived my first church service since our "fake" phone call this past week! That's what I am calling it! For those of you who are not adopting, church is one of the hardest places to go at times. You always answer alot of questions and do alot of explaining. Everyone means well, but it drains you. Mainly people just hugged us and let us know that they were praying for us. It was nice!! You have to feel sorry for people around us adopting moms---no one ever knows what kind of mood we are in or how we are going to react! I did not want to get out of bed this morning and go, but once I was there, I was thankful.

And of course I CANNOT WAIT FOR MONDAYS!! It means that we are another week closer to having our baby home! Hopefully we'll hear something this week.

Saturday

I went out with my mom and my aunt Rose today. We went downtown and walked around. It is beautiful here today. We ate lunch at Wild Wings!! YUMMY!! When my mom first called, naturally, I did not want to go. It's much easier to stay buried beneath a blanket on the couch and sleep the day away. However, when we got there, I actually had fun. It was good to be outside. LOTS AND LOTS of interesting people! It did make me excited for JP to get here. There were so many people there w/ their young babies in strollers and playing in the park--I CANNOT WAIT!!

We have no special plans for tonight. There are ballgames on ALL DAY LONG, so guess where Scott's going to be?! The same place he's been all morning long! hehe I will cook dinner and probably jump in to the newest book I've been reading! So, in other words, this has been a very relaxing weekend so far! Not too sad. I thank God for that!

My Sentiments Exactly!

Sunday morning when the band began playing "Praise You in the Storm," my heart started racing. I went to the altar fell on my knees and began thanking God for allowing us to exit PGN. I stayed there throughout the entire song. I sang, raised my hands and wept! I promised Him that I would serve Him come rain or shine. All the days of my life.

I thought the storm had ended. I had no idea that the very next morning I would be swept away by an even stronger wind.

Friday night at the Beth Moore conference, she talked about living in a pit. One that is thrown at you. One that you have absolutely NO control over. Again, I praised my way through that evening. Singing, crying and thanking God that I was out of my "pit." Little did I know, God was using her to speak to me the whole time. Looking back on this weekend, I can see how God tried to equip me with the tools I would need to handle this final stretch. He knew that I would receive that dreadful phone call Monday afternoon. He knew what it was going to do to me. So, in an attempt to help me out, He sent me to the conference where my favorite Bible teacher would use His Word to teach me how to stand in the face of the storm.

Boy, am I glad that I paid attention. I know that God wants me to come to him with my requests. He wants me to fall on my knees and ask Him to send JP home. I also know that He wants JP to come home. Beth Moore said that when you present your request to God and He doesn't answer it the way you had hoped He would---it's because He's up to something bigger! I have to believe that.

It's very hard for me to accept all of this. I was certain that the whole weekend was set up to celebrate the passing of a storm. I never dreamed it was preparing me to enter one. I am very sad. I am crying ALOT! I am tired of waiting. I am tired of experiencing the highs and lows of this adoption. I am not looking forward to Mother's Day and it's almost unbearable to think of how much longer my baby will stay in PGN. BUT----I WILL PRAISE HIM THROUGH THIS STORM! And when it's finally over, He will get the glory for it.

Wednesday

Hello again. I actually have something alot more interesting to post, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. I have a class on Wednesday nights so I get home late. I have been trying to get into bed a little earlier. You know, when you take BENEDRYL as a sleep aide, you have to crawl into the sheets pretty early to prevent the hangover from lasting all day the next day!

Thank you to those who are concerned about me. I would not say that I am okay, but I'm waking up everyday, going to work and doing my best to stay busy. What else do you do? I thank you all for your comments and support! You all are WONDERFUL and I am very thankful to have you as a support system!

I will post again tomorrow. Do not get excited- the "more interesting" post has NOTHING to do with the adoption. I have nothing new to report about that. And if I did, who knows if it would be reliable! ha!

Easter--Mary Elizabeth, Taylor, and MacKenzie

Monday

I cannot talk or write about it right now, but our case is still in PGN. Apparently the lawyer mixed the names up, so they called the wrong family. I guess you have to pay the people EXTRA to double check the paperwork before they send you into orbit.

Sunday Morning Praise!

This is how I feel!

This is my mother's first grandchild----SHE'S BEYOND HAPPY!

And this is mommy, daddy and Jp!

This morning in church the Spirit fell on me. At the end of the service the band sang "Praise You in the Storm" and I practically ran to the alter, got down on my knees and SOBBED! Take heart my blog-friends! When you FINALLY get the call God IMMEDIATELY erases the wait! It's amazing! It's late tonight, but tomorrow I am going to post why I believe God allowed us to wait this long on PGN. He revealed it to me at the Beth Moore Conference Friday night. I stand in awe before Him----humbled and happy! I had forgotten what happiness felt like. I had joy, but not happiness. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be happy again! My longing for Jp will be over with soon and I owe it all to Jesus! I want EVERYONE who reads this blog to understand that!

I hope that everyone has a great day tomorrow and I will post again tomorrow night! I love you all!

Mommy! Daddy! Here I Come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were not on the road 5 minutes when my cell phone rang......

WE ARE OUT OF PGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even know where to begin! I have an awesome post to share with you once I collect myself. I am still in shock!! God wanted me to have a great weekend, and boy did I!! It looks like He's giving me my Mother's Day present that I asked Him for!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!

I will write more tomorrow! We are celebrating tonight! Thank you for your prayers and support! PGN's moving, girls, hold on!!

Beth Moore, Here We Come!!!!!

What's better than my recipe of bubble bath, tension headache medicine and a good book?? I'm glad that you asked!

GOING TO SEE BETH MOORE IN COLUMBIA!!!! YIPPEE! My mom, my aunt and I are heading to Columbia for the weekend to a Beth Moore conference. I am so excited. Not only will this be a distraction for me, but I will be "fed" in the process! I also love hotels and we are staying in a brand new hotel and suites w/ king size beds!! Bring on the sleep and relaxation! I will not be blogging for a couple of days (unless I get a CALL on my cell over the weekend!) Everyone have a wonderful weekend and I will hopefully have some great material to share w/ you when I return!! HAPPY WEEKEND!

Case Update

I received an email from my case worker today. She said that the lawyer re-submitted our case on March 27th. It's been in a little over two weeks now. He is hoping that it will not need anymore corrections and that it will come out soon!

I am happy with this news.

Tanner for the Second Time!

Is it just me, or does he look cuter??

Perfect pair!

Tanner love!

Camera Hog!

He plays golf too!! So athletic!

DAREDEVIL!

"Can I help you, ma'am?"

"How do we get out of here?"