Mental Health Day

My boss and co-workers are begging me to take a day off!

I'm taking tomorrow off!! I do not have a reason---I just decided not to go in. My work ethic tells me NOT to do that. However, the voices in my head that have formed since this adoption began are shouting, "STAY AT HOME!!" I thought I should listen to them!! I wouldn't want to make them angry! Who knows what they would do!

So, HAPPY FRIDAY TO ME!! I think that I am going to see Pirates of the Caribbean. I'll let you know if it is good or not. I am also going to try and get in touch with my agency AGAIN and see what's happening with our case. This is the END OF NINE WEEKS!!!!!!! The "voices" are going to be really mad if I do not hear something soon!!

(For the record, I am joking about the whole "voices in the head" thing....well, sort of!)

I understand that life is not meant to be easy. We are doing a NASCAR series at church. Last week's message was about life being a race. We watched a clip of interviews with different race car drivers. They were asked at what point FEAR entered in to their minds when they were racing. Every one of them said the same thing... "It is an adrenaline rush. It's exciting. Fear doesn't come in to play UNTIL you lose control of the wheel." DID YOU HEAR THAT?? That's when it hit me. I can handle most aspects of this adoption-- paperwork, research, waiting, updates etc... What I cannot handle right now is NOT BEING IN CONTROL OF THE WHEEL!! I have absolutely NO idea when this lap of my race is going to end and it SCARES ME TO DEATH! I am not in control. It's a helpless feeling. You know what else? This is the time when I need my "Spotter" the most. I've learned that a spotter is the person who watches the race from afar and talks to the driver. They warn them of the dangers and turns that are ahead of them. God is my Spotter. He may not always warn me of what's ahead, but He DOES equip me with the tools that I need to finish.

So, what am I going to do? I am going to hang in there. Keep my helmet on. Stay behind the wheel and TRUST God to finish the race for me! That's what we ALL have to do when we are riding through hard times. Let God drive! Hang on, and enjoy as much of the race as you can!

Coming Soon To A Blog Near You....

Tanner and Keli Grace are graduating from the Meyer Center next Wednesday! What am I going to do without these two?? I look forward to watching them graduate and taking LOTS of pictures!! Congratulations-- I love you both!

JP's Room

I'll admit, I have been using JP's room as a storage room. The doors have been closed for MONTHS and the dust was building up. Today I was cleaning the house and decided I was TIRED OF IT!!! I washed some of his clothes, RE-packed them, and cleaned his room. I dusted the furniture and mopped the floor. I am preparing for him to come home---SOON!!!!!

So, God, take a look. I am doing my part. I am ready for you to give me the "go ahead." I am tired of sitting around pouting. I am going to prepare for him and TRUST that you're about to move!

Saturday on the Lake

Me and Shannon No one told me Mary Elizabeth was driving the boat!

A girl eating goldfish is a girl after my own heart! No wonder I love this little girl!

Here we are having fun in the tube----who would've thought?!

Rocked to sleep by the wake

What would have made my day?? If Shannon had been successful at throwing Terry off the tube!! No such luck! :(

Change Is Good

I know I keep changing the template for my blog---I'm sorry! I get tired/bored with the colors. I love blue and green so I will try and stay with this one for a while. The brown was getting on my nerves! Ha!

Groundskeeper OR Homemaker?

For the record.... in the 5 years we've been married, this is the FIRST time I have seen Scott iron! We were getting ready for church this morning and his jeans were VERY wrinkled. His idea of ironing is throwing EVERYTHING in the dryer. I told him they were too wrinkled for that and if he would just put them on the ironing board I would iron them for him---I turned around and there he was ironing his VERY OWN pants!! My heart almost stopped beating. It was more than I could handle. I HAD to take pictures and post them. Those of you who know him (his mom, sister, dad etc..) would never believe it! SO, not only was he recognized at his job this past week, but he has now taken his first step up the domestic ladder! GOD IS A GOD OF MIRACLES!!!!

We went to the lake yesterday. I will post those pictures tomorrow along w/ what I learned in church today. Despite my attitude towards this weekend, I have to admit it's been okay so far. Thank You, God!

Looney Tunes!

The picture says it all!! I did not hear from the agency today! I'm going to do my best to make it through this LOOOONG weekend. All I am thinking is....What if we get kicked out again? What if we're one of the unfortunate ones who get STUCK in PGN? I am so tired! Tuesday will be 9 weeks! PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY US OUT!!! I know you all are and I appreciate it SO MUCH!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I am going to try and keep busy. I'll keep my camera on me and if I do anything interesting, I'll be sure and share!

Happy Memorial Day!

Needing To Vent....

I have received many phone calls and comments today. I wanted to thank everyone for always being so kind to me!! I will always be honest in my posts, so I'm not going to tell you that I'm okay. I could not be ANY MORE EXCITED for my dear friends who are exiting PGN all around me, but I would also being lying if I said that it didn't sting a little bit. I mean, what's the difference?? Is is just the luck of the draw??? I mean, how many times do you have to enter/get kicked out and re-enter again?? Are we gonna go for 4?? And while we wait, how many teeth do we have to pull in order to get updates!! My agency doesn't think it's a big deal--- if I hear ONE MORE TIME..."Andrea, technically, you're right on track. It's normal to be in PGN for 6 to 8 weeks." Well, I am the first to admit that I am NOT a mathematician, but we've been in PGN since DECEMBER 15----how does that add up to 6 to 8 weeks?????????????

I am not looking forward to the weekend. My caseworker is off work tomorrow :( AND Monday is Memorial Day--I don't know if she's in the office then either!

Again, it is important for those of you who read this to understand that I am happy for Lou, and everyone else who has had their long awaited prayers answered. It just makes me want to scream out and ask God, "How else can I pray?? What do I have to do to get you to hear me?" I know He hears me, so no one has to write and tell me that He's in control---I know He is! I just am not sure how much more I can handle. My sweet little baby is in an orphanage a million miles away from me! How is that in our best interest?? I haven't held him, smelled him, heard him laugh/cry in 5 months! And at this point I don't know when I will again. PLEASE, GOD! HEAR MY CRY AND BRING THIS TO AN END!!!! I cannot take it anymore!

I thank you all for your prayers and support---I DO need it right now. I am very weak and hurting. I am on my way to bed. If by some miracle I receive an update tomorrow I will post it! Goodnight.

THURSDAY

Congratulations to my friend, Lou! She is out of PGN and is leaving for Guatemala soon to get her baby!!

We are creeping up on the end of our 8th week. STILL no news from the agency. Our case worker is off tomorrow, so I don't look to hear anything then, either.

WEDNESDAY

My sweet husband was recognized at his high school's Sport's Banquet tonight! I just wanted to say that I am always so proud of his work. He is the head groundskeeper at Greenville High School and a coach there. He takes care of the athletic fields etc... The athletic director thanked him tonight for all of his hard work and talked about how great the grounds looked. Every one in the auditorium stood up and began yelling and clapping for him----WOO-HOO!!!! I am so proud. Hard work DOES pay off!

Tuesday

Sandy-baby! Me and KG!

Me and my two best friends!

Me, Scott, Shannon and Terry.

Another day--nothing to report. I do not want to be a "downer" so that's all I am going to say for today. My creative juices are not flowing. I have posted a few random pictures just because I like them.

Hope every one's having a good day!

HOME....

....IS WHERE THE HEART IS!!

I am slipping to the end of my sanity rope. I can feel it. It has taken a while, but it's finally happening. I was talking with some of my co-workers today. I told them that it's getting harder to muster up the energy to function on a daily basis. I noticed it when I woke up this morning. I knew it would be a low day for me. I can tell the moment my feet hit the floor. The heavier my legs feel, the more difficult the day will be to walk through.

I began to wonder why this happens so often. I mean, I know why emotionally it's hard. That's obvious. I'm talking about the physical part. When I say that my legs are heavy---I actually mean it's hard to walk! They hurt. And some days, my whole body hurts. When we began this adoption journey, I knew that it would be emotionally hard. But why would I hurt physically? I realized why this afternoon.

My heart.

The purpose of the heart is to pump blood through your body. All other organs rely on your heart to get the blood flowing. Without blood flow, your body suffers.

I've come to realize that my heart is not capable of functioning properly because a part of it is missing. It's in another country. How can I expect my heart to do it's job when I'm only housing a part of it?! I am so relieved to discover this. I was beginning to worry! Now I know that what is happening to me is normal, given my circumstances. You all know my prayer--that God would allow me to be reunited with the other part of my heart very soon! Once this happens, I will feel like a brand new woman--emotionally and physically!

Dear God,

We are beginning week number 8 in PGN! I know that You know this. I wanted to publicly ask You to allow us to come "out" this week. We've been in 3 times now and we are READY to bring JP home! I know that You have a plan for this process. I've learned alot about You throughout this journey. I've learned how to serve You, love You, and praise You EVEN with a broken spirit. I would not trade this trial for anything, but my heart is ready for it to come to an end. You tell me in the book of Matthew that You long to give good gifts to Your children who are faithful---IF they will only ask. I am asking! Please grant my request.

I love You, Father, and I promise to be faithful regardless of my circumstances. We will be careful to give You praise, honor and glory for the gift of this child.

In Jesus' name, Amen

Pizza, Baseball, Suckers & Milkshakes!!!! Life is Good!!

This is my "I love pizza" face!!

Wow, this field looks great--my uncle Cott must have cut it!

Hey everybody! Our seats are down here!

Me and Mary E!

Hey, baseball man!! I could've caught that ball!! Wake up out there!

Does this sucker make my lips look red??

I will only put down my sucker for Cott's chocolate milkshake.

Do we have to leave?

Night, night Anya!

This picture has nothing to do with this post---it's just one of my favorites and I wanted to put it up again for everyone to look at!

Today was an okay day. I went to the Zoo with my class. The weather was perfect. Tomorrow we have our "end of the year" picnic. It should be fun too. Lots of food and fellowship!! Scott and I are taking our little niece, MacKenzie, to the local baseball game tomorrow night! I will take my camera and take lots of pictures to share.

I spoke with my agency AGAIN today. Our lawyer has been checking on our case EVERY DAY at the PGN. It has not received a previo or approval. Tomorrow marks 7 weeks in. She told me that he expects to hear that we're out any time now. I wish I could feel anxious about that, but I don't. Until I get the phone call I am so numb to it all. It's hard to be happy or excited about the time that's passed--I'm too afraid to hear that we're kicked out again. I prayed all afternoon that God would not allow that to happen. Thank you all for your prayers and support! It is greatly appreciated!!

Have a happy Friday and I will post CUTE pictures sometime Saturday! Oh yeah, how about Melinda getting the boot last night?? I was SHOCKED!!!!! Congrats to Blake and Jordan!! I really do not have a favorite---they are both pretty good!

Soakin' in the Spirit!

I hate the way God knows everything! All I wanted to do was take a bubble bath and pout! I've been home sick all day and I am ready to lie in my bed and watch American Idol. BUT NO!!!!! Once again the Spirit found me in the bath tub!! As you all know by now, when I take a bubble bath, I read. Not tonight. I wanted to sit and sulk. I heard NOTHING from my agency today and I'm mad about it.

I guess you can say that God knew I was soakin' in a lot more than just bath water. Here's a few things that were floatin' around amongst the bubbles:

self-pity

anger

grief

sadness

bitterness

These were all okay with me until I felt Him. Out of nowhere it was as if I heard Him whisper, "Say 'thank you'" WHAT??? Thank you for what?? He replied, "for everything you have!" So, with my lip poked out I began to pray. Here is my list of things that I thanked Him for:

my husband

my family (including my extended family-you know who you are!)

my job

my co-workers, who are MORE than co-workers

my church family

my new adoptive moms

my precious son who's waiting on me

my Savior

I could actually go on. Those are just a few. It was amazing what happened as I was saying thank you. My shoulders felt lighter. And believe it or not, I smiled! After I was done, I began praying for other things that have been on my heart and mind. Other people and situations that have NOTHING to do w/ my present trial. In other words---I BEGAN PRAYING FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN MYSELF!!! I will admit that it was the first SELFLESS prayer that has fallen from my lips in a very long time. Don't get me wrong, I have tried to pray for others, but I always end up sobbing and begging God to send JP home.

I always run the HOT water first. I do not add cold water until the end. The hot water releases the tension in my neck muscles. Most of the time anyway. Tonight it wasn't the water that released my stress! It was a small prayer from a thankful heart. Somewhere along this journey I had forgotten that I have so much to be thankful for. I always feel thankful in my heart---God just needed to hear it from my mouth.

Maybe it's not so bad that God knows everything. Tonight He knew that if I spent time with Him before trying to fall asleep I may not need benedryl!

Oh the peace that comes with praise! Thank you Lord!

Myabi's, MacKenzie and Mother's Day

We celebrated Mother's Day with Scott's family last night. We went to Myabi's Japanese Steak House. Yum! All smiles! MacKenzie was excited to see her aunt "Anya" and uncle "Cott." We were excited to see her too!

No one said ANYTHING about fire!!!!!

MacKenzie and her mommy, Amy! Otherwise known as Scott's little sister.

Cott and Kenzie!

Scott's mom and dad! Sorry, Kim, I noticed your eyes were closed, but I still thought it was a good picture!