at twenty til twelve

".....Jesus never said it was an easy road to travel. He only said that you would never be alone.
When your last thread of hope begins to come unraveled; don't give up, He'll walk beside you on this journey home...."

Those words are from a really old song by Kathi Tracolli called, "Life Is Hard, But God Is Good."

I'm glad that no one reading this blog can see me right now. First of all, it's 11:40 pm, Hence the title of the post! My nose is red, my eyes are blood shot and swollen. I have cried almost all afternoon. I talked to Scott's surgeon today. We are still on for the 21st of this month. He felt compelled to remind me SEVERAL times throughout our conversation of just how big this surgery is going to be for Scott and all of the risks involved. Now..I know it is the doctor's job to tell you the absolute worse, so it's okay. It just doesn't make it any easier to listen to. I realize that my posts on this subject are very vague for those who don't know the details, I am just not comfortable sharing most of it on the blog. It's very personal. Those of you who read this and are "in the dark," just please pray.

I went to bed tonight with the intentions of falling asleep. Didn't happen. God reminded me that I had not read my devotional for the day. I protested for a minute, but it was clear that He was not going to let me fall asleep until I did. So, into the bathroom I went.....I read the devotion out of my JOURNEY magazine. The topic had NOTHING to do with my circumstances, however, one little sentence jumped off the page and hit me in the face. It read, "We deal with life as it is, not as we'd like it to be." That's where I am. Life is not going to always be what I want it to be. Our life (mine and Scott's) is about to change drastically. Neither of us want it to. Unfortunately, God didn't ask us. It just is. Our job is to find ways to glorify God through this next season in our lives.


Any time something happens to us, I very quickly remind myself that things could be worse. I know LOTS of people right now, who are facing MUCH WORSE challenges than I am. I certainly am not taking my blessings for granted. Having said that, I am nervous about this surgery and my heart is broken for Scott and the lifestyle change he is about to face.


While trying to go to sleep tonight, I told God that I was completely overwhelmed with emotions right now, and that I needed Him to help me "stay together" for my family. It was in the middle of this prayer that God brought the lyrics above to my mind. I am so thankful that this is only the journey to my real Home. I am more thankful that I am not traveling alone!


How you can pray:

• For the actual surgery. It will last two to four hours.
• Pray for both of the surgeons involved and each hand that will take part
• For little JP as he continues in his routine. I know he will not understand the change or why his daddy is not at home for a couple of weeks.
• For me as I juggle work, hospital stay, Scott, and JP.
• The long road of recovery.

Okay, Lord, I think that's about it. I shared what was on my heart. I will praise You ALWAYS even in the tough times. I am blessed beyond words and I will not forget that!!! Thank you for Jesus and my family and friends. I do not deserve any of it.....