Sunday, May 12, 2013

happy mother's day & sunshine therapy

Happy Mother's Day to all my mothers out there who follow this blog.

How true is this statement?!  Some days I question whether or not I am even a GOOD mother.  Parenting is tough.  Especially when life gets hard.  There are days when I feel so overwhelmed knowing that I am responsible for JP's emotional, spiritual and physical health.  I am so thankful for a loving God who is present in our daily lives.  I am so thankful for His guidance. 

Today held bittersweet emotions for me.  Although I am blessed with the most AMAZING mother and a beautiful child, this Mother's Day was different from the previous five that I have celebrated with my family.  And that made it hard for me.  In light of everything, it was a good day.  Restful.  My whole family stayed home from church.  Dad went and got breakfast for all of "his girls."  The boys played around the house and I even had the luxury of falling asleep for a while in the middle of the afternoon.  It was nice.  I am sure that you have noticed that, while this blog serves as an outlet for my personal thoughts, I try very hard to keep things tasteful and respect the privacy of those family members and friends of mine who are involved in my life on a day to day basis. Having said that, there is another side of me that feels like this IS my outlet.  And so far, God has graciously used it to speak to people around the world that I do not even know.  And for that, I am so grateful.  I say all of that to say this...  I feel like the time is approaching for me to begin writing down some of the feelings I have been experiencing over the past ten months.  Because the unfortunate truth is, I have never in my life felt more lost, emotional, hurt, depressed, anxious and uncertain as I do at this moment.  And at one point today when I was rolling around ideas in my head for another post, God reminded me that there are certainly those of you out there who may be walking through some of the same pain I am.  My goal for this blog, since the beginning of my adoption, has been to (hopefully) touch the lives of others whether it be through JOY or TRIALS. 

So that's what I am going to do.  No worries!!  I will never use this platform as a means to air out "dirty laundry" or open the closet for every one's skeletons to tumble out.  I only plan to share with you exactly where I am emotionally.  My good and bad days.  And how God is using my trials to shape me into the person He wants me to be. The details of my circumstances are not important and they are not any one's business but my own.  So, those involved (namely my family and close friends) who are involved in my whirlwind need not be concerned with anything.  We are ALL imperfect people in the eyes of God.  I do not have the right to judge anyone or their actions.  I just, all of a sudden, have the overwhelming desire to allow God to be glorified publicly for how He has been helping me over this past year.  I have no idea when I will begin sharing.  That, too, is up to God.  I just wanted to give you a heads up. 

ALRIGHTY!  Now that I have your undivided attention...  I will close out tonight with a few pictures from our weekend. 
 JP and Bailey.  My two children...
I still cannot believe how much this girl has grown...she is taller than me!  Where did the time go?  (For those of you who don't know, I was Bailey's nanny when she was a baby until she was two years old.) 
Me and Pam.  Love this lady...
One thing I DID want to do for Mother's Day was be outside!  I took JP to the park.  The weather was awesome.  He had a great time playing with new friends and I had a restful time on a blanket under the sun with a book.  Sunshine truly is therapy.  The BEST kind.

That's all for tonight, friends.  I am sleepy.  I hope that everyone has a happy Monday.  I am going to do my best to remind myself each day that I get to escape to the mountains of Tennessee this weekend!  Hopefully that will get me through the week!  GOOD NIGHT!

No comments: