Friday, November 1, 2013

a new wave

I am not doing Friday favorites today.  I'll most probably resume that next week....maybe. 

JP's mouth is full of sores right now.  I feel pretty sure it is a result of new medicine he is taking.  He is pitiful.  On the way to pick him up early from school today, dad and I stopped at the drug store to get a special mouth wash and gel for him to use.  Once we got home, I made him use the rinse.  "Ahhh, mommy it hurts so bad!!"  He screamed.  "I know, baby, and I am so sorry.  But, sometimes you have to hurt a little bit before you can heal." 

At this point, I wasn't so sure I was referring to his mouth.

My divorce attorney called me this morning with a court date for my final hearing.  I am not sure when I was expecting "the call,"  It caught me off guard.  I knew it was going to happen in the near future, but I definitely wasn't prepared for the wave of emotion that has accompanied it.  I guess it sounds weird, but I LITERALLY feel like someone close to me has just died.  I have a HUGE lump in my throat, a knot in the pit of my stomach and my chest feels tight.  Because JP came home early today,  I am carrying these feelings around and have no place to dump them. Like always, I have to hold it together.  When you're a full time mommy, you do not have the luxury of falling apart.  At least not when you really need to. 

It hurts.

I am sharing this with you because I will need you to be patient with me.  I have been posting every day and I am enjoying it.  However, I am not sure how I will feel tomorrow.  Or the next day.  My writing may be sporadic.  I apologize for that.  I am sitting in, what feels like, a VERY lonely place.   Like I said,  I feel like I am experiencing a death of a loved one or something.  In some ways, I suppose that's what this is.

My life, as I've known it for the past twelve years is dead.

No comments: