I am not doing Friday favorites today. I'll most probably resume that next week....maybe.
JP's mouth is full of sores right now. I feel pretty sure it is a result of new medicine he is taking. He is pitiful. On the way to pick him up early from school today, dad and I stopped at the drug store to get a special mouth wash and gel for him to use. Once we got home, I made him use the rinse. "Ahhh, mommy it hurts so bad!!" He screamed. "I know, baby, and I am so sorry. But, sometimes you have to hurt a little bit before you can heal."
At this point, I wasn't so sure I was referring to his mouth.
My divorce attorney called me this morning with a court date for my final hearing. I am not sure when I was expecting "the call," It caught me off guard. I knew it was going to happen in the near future, but I definitely wasn't prepared for the wave of emotion that has accompanied it. I guess it sounds weird, but I LITERALLY feel like someone close to me has just died. I have a HUGE lump in my throat, a knot in the pit of my stomach and my chest feels tight. Because JP came home early today, I am carrying these feelings around and have no place to dump them. Like always, I have to hold it together. When you're a full time mommy, you do not have the luxury of falling apart. At least not when you really need to.
I am sharing this with you because I will need you to be patient with me. I have been posting every day and I am enjoying it. However, I am not sure how I will feel tomorrow. Or the next day. My writing may be sporadic. I apologize for that. I am sitting in, what feels like, a VERY lonely place. Like I said, I feel like I am experiencing a death of a loved one or something. In some ways, I suppose that's what this is.
My life, as I've known it for the past twelve years is dead.