I will share with you what's going through my head and my heart if you promise not to tell me how silly it is....
From the time JP was 15 days old he has been in an orphanage. During that time, he had several different caregivers. When his caregiver brought him to me at 10 months old, she left.....he cried and she never returned. We moved him into a new unfamiliar environment in Guatemala for 4 weeks. THEN we moved him to a whole other environment. Since we've been home we've left him more times than I care to count b/c Scott was in the hospital. We are FINALLY home and experiencing some normalcy and now I am taking him to yet another environment to leave him for the day! These are the thoughts that are running through my mind:
1) Will he be mad at me for leaving him...again?!
2) Will he understand that I AM returning?
3) Is this TOO much transition for such a little guy?
My stomach is torn up over this. I know that mothers do this all the time. I now see why they have such a hard time doing it! I have to keep reminding myself that he is young and his life is so blessed here in the States.
Just pray for us.....well, probably just me! JP will have a ball in his little classroom---it looks like a jungle gym!
5 comments:
I could tell you've not been yourself. That's why I've not called to bother you. Girlfriend, I was blessed enough to walk this journey with you, be with you in Guatemala when you took JP in your arms forever, and now I'll be with you every step of every day. We'll have the most fun with JP on the bus. We'll probably have to fight over who's going to drive, since I want to play with JP. I love you and miss you and can't wait to have you back to work. It's TRULY not been the same without you!!! Love, BG
As I read your post, I couln't help but yes, start to cry. I remember the first day KG started the MC. Whose arms did I leave her in? YOURS. And I sobbed all the way to work. JP knows you're his momma, the love he has for you showed the other night when you came up at WM. At least you'll be able to peek in on him and he'll know you're there somewhere when he's on the bus with you, arrives at the same place you do, and you take him to his classroom. And once he's in the routine of ya'll doing this everyday, he'll be fine. I'll be thinking about ya'll tomorrow. Good luck.
I understand how you are feeling. Bella isn't even home yet and those are my biggest fears. But, my husband reminds me daily that God did not take us this far in the journey to have that happen. He has been faithful and He will continue to be. Try to rest in that and know that by His divine hand JP KNOWS you are his momma and he will be fine.... you will probably cry a lot, though. LOL :)
Praying for you tomorrow.
Amanda
Hey, like Janet said, I handed my baby to you on his first day of school ever. Like you now, I was slightly traumized then, too, but you see how all that worked out. It is hard, I know, but you will be ok. And so will J. P.
Anne
(been following your story for a while now) We have several school-aged children, the oldest being a senior. I have cried every year on the first day of school, seems harder on me than them. :) You are not silly, you are JP's mom!
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