Wednesday, November 7, 2012

broken but blessed

In case you are unable to tell from my recent posts, I have had a pretty hard week emotionally.  I could not wait to get in my car after work this afternoon.  It wasn't that I was in a hurry to get home.  In fact, I took the LONG way home.  Tucked tight in the back of my throat was a large lump that needed to be released.  It had been hidden away all day long threatening to come out.   So, while driving, I gave it permission to flow.  And boy did it.  I cried all the way home.  I wish I could tell you that it made me feel better, but the truth is, it didn't. 

I am broken.

It's funny because most of the people I come in contact with try to "help" by reminding me of how blessed I am.  While I appreciate the sentiments, I know that I am blessed.  I know that I have a LOT to be thankful for.  And I know that there are a lot of people who are in situations that are worse than mine. 

In light of my "momentary trials" I have to say that I am most grateful to God for the way He speaks to me DAILY.  Today He spoke to me through a phone call.  (Monday he spoke to me through a lady at the park, but that's another post!)  On my way home my best friend called.  My security blanket.  My partner in this crazy life.  The greatest part of the "conversation" is that there really wasn't a conversation at all.  She mainly just listened to me cry.  Poor girl!  And a few times she told me how sorry she was and how hurt she was because I was in pain. 

That's a TRUE friend.  And I LOVE you - you know who you are!  As we were wrapping up our phone call, she too reminded me of my blessings.  Before I even had time to blink, I simply said, "You are right, I am blessed.  But that doesn't change the fact that I am broken."  And in this life, the two are very different.  And unfortunately I am finding that I can experience both at the very same time. 

Thank You, Lord for friends.  Friends who let you cry to them on the phone.  Thank You for allowing me to NOT be okay every day.  You have blessed me BEYOND measure and I do not take that for granted!  And although I may not feel happy each day for now, You are still my JOY.  And NOTHING can take that away from me. 


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