Tuesday, October 1, 2013

i am free

 "This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."  Jeremiah 20:10-11
 I had a revelation today.  I was really angry at an issue with my job and payroll.  I had to run some errands, so I opened the sun roof, rolled down the windows and CRANKED up the radio!  Loud.  I was flying down the highway when the Spirit reminded me of something that I desperately needed to remember. 
I do not have to be in control of my life.  I am off the hook.  I am only responsible for the following:
  1. I have to work.  Hard.
  2. I have to take care of my son to the best of my ability.
  3. I have to set goals and aspire to reach them.
  4. I have to belong to a church family and serve.
  5. I have to be the very best person I can be.
  6. I have to love Jesus and strive to please Him.
I can do that!  Anything and everything else is in God's hands.  My future is NOT up to me (thank goodness!).  I cannot tell you why TODAY, of all days, this "revelation" made such an impression on me.  It's not like this is something new.  We, as Christians, are told this all the time.  Pastors speak on the subject.  There are books written on the topic.  I guess I just have not listened like I listened today.  And I feel so good.  My face literally is sore because I have smiled all day long.  No kidding. 
Scroll back up and let's read the verse I shared with you at the top of this post.  Now, reread the sentence I highlighted.
That was worth repeating.  Those words rolled off the tongue of the Creator. Knowing that, why do I obsess and worry over what the future may or may not hold for me?  He has asked me to hand my life over to Him so that He can take care of everything. 
  • He knows what professional doors will swing open for me. 
  • He knows if I will ever be a published devotional or children's author.
  • He knows the faces of the people who will be a part of my life ten years from now.
  • He knows the faces of the people who will be a part of my life tomorrow.
  • He knows whether or not I will fall in love again, and if that person will love me back.
  • He  knows where JP and I will be living a year from now.

And not only does He KNOW all these things, (and more), but He promises to calm my spirit and give me an overwhelming "peace that passes all understanding...."  if I trust Him.  So that is exactly what I am going to do.  From today forward.  It won't be easy.  I'll have to read this post over again tomorrow.  And probably the next day.  It is so exhausting carrying around so much worry and wonder in this life. I am one tired girl.  I am tired of trying to orchestrate my destiny.  I am tired of chasing people that I want to be a part of my life.  At the end of the day it is useless.  I see that now. 
It is so senseless now that I think about it.  I am "giving up" control that I never really had to begin with.  All I have left to say is, thank You, Lord, for speaking to me today during my drive. You are so big and I know that Your plans for my life are bigger and BETTER than any plan I could come up with.  I don't even want to try anymore.  You have promised to take care of me.  For that, I am thankful...and I trust You.

As I am typing this, tears have pooled up in my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks.  But tonight it is very different.  Rather than swelling up from a place of brokenness and pain, these tears are flowing from the river of pure joy.

You cannot see it from where you sit, but the smile that decorated my face all afternoon?  It is back.

I am free.


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