Thursday, February 15, 2007

Good 'Ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee......


Thanks to all who gave me your votes! Looks like Joseph Pablo will be sporting Big Orange when he comes home!! Hooray!!!!! Too bad for Scott! I will be auctioning off all of JP's Gamecock clothing if you Gamecock supporters are interested! ha! It's likely that would lead to divorce!


Well, today was a pretty good day. Before Christmas, Scott and I sent JP a care package. In it was a disposable camera. Today when I got home there was an email from Ginger (the case worker) that said she had a family just return from Guatemala and they brought her our camera. She is mailing it to me. She also said that Ivan (the lawyer) hoped to get JP's birth certificate ANY DAY now. He will resubmit our case as soon as he gets it. Ordinarily, I think I would be very happy about all of this, but for some reason I do not feel that way. In the past I have had to work extremely hard to keep my hopes from not flying high. Today I didn't even care that she emailed me. Don't get me wrong, I am anxious to get the pictures! I will ALWAYS love that, but the fact that Ivan is looking to get the birth certificate doesn't even phase me. Maybe it's because I walked around with my hopes up for months only to have them CRASH down on top of me. Maybe it's because God is protecting me from getting hurt if it doesn't enter this week. Since Ginger wrote me and told me it was kicked out last week, I haven't even responded to her. It's nothing personal to her really, it's just I am SO TIRED!! I am tired of wondering all day if she's emailed me. I don't want to let myself think, "Oh yeah, Ivan will probably submit us tomorrow, now I can obsess over how many more weeks 'till we can go and get him!" I TRULY do not even care. Part of me wonders if I should worry about how I feel. My feelings about traveling to pick him up haven't changed. I guess I am beginning to feel numb to the whole thing. My emotions are drained. I feel like it's just never going to happen. As I am writing this, I can feel my shoulders and neck getting stiff. I am going to stop now. I don't want to end up sad tonight. I apologize for being so "blue." GO VOLS!!!!!

6 comments:

LouLou said...

Andrea,
Your feelings are completely natural. This process is completely exhausting, and sometimes I think we have to be numb for a little while to survive. Let's claim a miracle for JP right now....that he will reenter soon and fly through the rest of the process. Let's pray it like we've already been given it! That little man WILL be home soon!

Love and blessings,
Lou

PS. That onesie is from Cafepress.com. Type in adoption Guatemala on the search tab, and they have TONS of cute stuff like that. I ordered AP the bib with that statement on it. I thought it would be priceless for pictures.

Unknown said...

Hi Andrea,
I just commented on Lou's site, and I know you must all think I'm crazy since I'm not in the adoption process myself, but I love watching God at work through all of you. I CANNOT imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must experience. The verse that continually comes to my mind when I read these blogs is "Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect & complete, lacking in nothing". Anyone who gets through the adoption process will definitely have MUCH endurance, and that's a beautiful thing in God's eyes. "Consider it all joy" is the hardest part. I'm praying that He will fill your heart with joy as you wait for your sweet baby. My Bible study leader encouraged me in a trial lately. She said that the Bible talks about the manifold grace of God. That means that there's a specific grace from Him to match EVERY "various trial" we go through. He's so good, and I am excited to hear how God works every detail out for your good.
In Him,
Daisy

Andrea said...

I wish I had some good words of wisdom. I am feeling a bit anxious today, too. Tomorrow makes 30 days from DNA test results. I keep telling myself if we do not get PA tomorrow, that it's okay-it's all in His timing. I keep praying for wisdom, and that I'll be strong.

But, in the quiet times, I know that if we don't get it, I know I'll be crushed. It's so hard to keep going on this roller coaster, I know. But we have to. Our children were chosen for us. We were chosen to be their parents. In all the uncertainty that is Guatemalan adoption, of THAT I am 100% certain.

Hang in there! The ride will be over soon-

Much love and blessings,
Andrea...hmmm...Andrea Squared, maybe? :)

Rebecca said...

Andrea, I know where you're coming from. Hugs to you!!!! I'm sorry that you are back in yet, but I'm with Lou, let's claim it right now. God is going to make sure that you get back in and he will give you the strength and guidance to make it through this process. It's rough...and oh what a roller coaster ride. It will be so worth it in the end when we have our little angels in our arms forever. I'll be saying a special prayer for you tonight!

Love and hugs,
Rebecca

PS - I'm sad that the Gamecocks lost!!! ;-(((((

Kim said...

It's ok to be numb. Your mind is just protecting you. One day you will want to fight again. I pray you get wonderful news soon.

theowensclan said...

Daniel and Brian wanted to cast their (late) votes. Daniel said U.S.C. Brian said U.T. That still makes it a tie. Dave said Citadel.