Wednesday, August 14, 2013

i blinked

It happens literally in the blink of an eye.  Sadness envelopes me like a warm blanket.  One minute I am on cloud nine parading around  downtown Greenville and the next I am trying to get myself and the boys to the car as quickly as possible so that no one notices the tears that are slowly beginning to trickle down my cheeks.  Most of the time I am unable to pinpoint the trigger of this emotion. 

Today, however, I am well aware.

I took Andrew and JP to Falls Park this morning.  The weather was beautiful. Slightly overcast with a light breeze.  The park was not overly crowded.  We found the perfect spot to enjoy our snacks.

As you can see, we were enjoying a lazy morning outdoors.  As noon approached more and more people flooded the park and picnic areas.  This was the beginning of the end for me.  Everywhere I turned, there were couples laughing/talking/walking, most appeared to be on their lunch break.  If not couples, it was moms and dads with their toddlers waddling around alongside the ducks feeding them leftovers.  It seemed as if in every direction there was a happy family staring at me.  Enjoying one another. 

Now I am here to tell you, I am one blessed girl.  I do not know many people (my age) who have the luxury of resigning from their job to return to school at their leisure.  I am also going to tell you that I DO NOT take for granted the family that God has blessed me with.  My mom, dad, sister, JP, Preston, my extended family and COUNTLESS, (did I mention COUNTLESS), friends who love and support me.  I KNOW I am blessed.  And a day does not pass by that I am not thanking God for all that I have.  Having said that, today I was (painfully) reminded of what I no longer have.  And it hurt.  I don't know, maybe it would be different if it was something I never knew.  Never had.  Never loved.  But, I DID know it.  I DID have it.  And I DID love it.

And I lost it.

So, I thank you for allowing me to publicly vent/whine/cry, whatever you want to call it.  It does not happen that often anymore, but when it does, it is very overwhelming.

When we got home from the park, I put the boys to bed for their nap.  Once they were asleep I sat down on the couch trying to decide how I was going to keep my mind occupied until they were awake again.  I didn't want to sit around all afternoon and feel sorry for myself.  So, I picked up my phone and sent a text to one of my favorite friends of all time.  It simply said this, " feeling overwhelmed with sadness right now, QUICK send me a scripture..."   And he did.  Before I share the passage, I want to thank him.  You know who you are and I love you so much.  You never fail me.

  " Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:6-10 (NIV)
Now here is the same passage from the Message.  I. LOVE. THIS.

 "Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
This was the perfect thing for me to read at this very moment.  I will be printing it off and hanging it in (probably) multiple places around the house.  In this life Jesus is all we need.  His grace.  It is enough.  I cannot let myself forget this truth. It applies to ALL of us.  We ALL have our crosses to bear. 
Some days they just seem a lot heavier than others.


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