time to breathe

I was driving home from picking up Preston at daycare today when something hit me.  Like a ton of bricks.  For months now I have been beating myself up over my current situation.

No home of my own.

       No full time job.

This has really bothered me.  Until today.  Ten minutes ago, to be exact.  The Holy Spirit revealed a MAJOR truth to my heart.  I can only imagine He has whispered this to me many times, I only heard it today for the first time.

For years I have complained about how tired I am.  It began with our journey to get JP.  The entire process was so emotionally draining.  Once that road came to an end, Scott became sick.  His path of medical trauma was very long and draining as well.  Month after month of surgeries, hospital stays, home health visits and doctor appointments.  It was never ending for all involved.  At least it felt that way.  That brings us to the present.

Separation.

     Divorce.

Loss.  

My point is this.  Today, God told me to enjoy this time I have to myself.  Rather than obsessing over not having anything to do, bask in it.  Embrace it.  Accept it as a gift!  A gift from God.  He is allowing me to experience the downtime that I have so desperately been seeking.  The time I have been longing for, for so long. 

And now I am excited.  On the days that I am not teaching or in a class, the possibilities are endless for me!  I can rest, write more, serve more, volunteer more.  I can enjoy life. 

I can breathe.