I debated on whether or not to post this, especially on Easter Sunday. But then I reminded myself that the point of this blog (for me anyway) is to express my honest feelings and emotions throughout our adoption process. So, for those who are having a happy Easter (& I do hope everyone is) please forgive me for being a downer!
Yesterday Scott and I went out to lunch. It was a nice day, we were shopping and enjoying our time together. We ran in to a couple that we know. Not very well, but an acquaintance. Very nice people. My adoptive moms can probably see where this is heading! We rounded the corner and they were seated at their table. We exchanged our "hellos" and here came the magical question, "Do you have your baby yet??" Now, let me share with you how "flesh" Andrea wanted to respond, "Yes, lady, we have him. But after 8 months of missing him and longing for him, we thought we would leave him w/ a babysitter so that we could be alone!!!!" What did I really say? We both just smiled (fake smile, no doubt) and said, "No, not yet, we're still waiting."
This is a very common occurrence and I think that I would have been able to move on with my day if the questioning had ended there. However, she felt led to go on! "You mean he's still in Guatemala? That's awful! How old is he now? 8 months?? Oh no! You are missing the most crucial time in his life! What's going on? I bet you're tired of waiting. It's very important to bond w/ your baby in the early months." Yes! You heard me right. Scott and I just stood there. Unable to move. Unable to breathe for that matter. I feel it's appropriate to refer everyone to one of my previous posts: 10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A MOTHER WAITING ON HER BABY!!!!
We adoptive moms spend almost every waking hour trying to walk through the day and not constantly think about what we're missing with our babies who are not with us. I realize that this lady meant well, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Not only does my background in early childhood education tell me that the first months are crucial, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that either!! Thank you for the reminder though! I guess I do not have to tell any of you how the rest of our Saturday went.
Again, I am sorry to be so negative today of all days. I just hope that maybe someone will read this and understand how bad things hurt at times. Even if you mean well. Today was harder than I actually thought it would be. I know JP is happy, and that brings peace, but we miss him terribly! Please join us in praying that God will allow us to hear that we are "out" of PGN this week!!
8 comments:
Oh some people are so stupid. Did she actually think she was helping you by saying those things? It's like our babies are there and they think we just would rather wait a few more months to go and get them! I am very aware of all I am missing, and I know my fellow Guatemamas are aware too. I wish I had a good come back when people say things like that, but I never think of anything until I'm at home! I pray that you hear those magic words this week!
Can you feel the hugs I'm sending??
Lou
I do feel the hugs and most importantly the prayers! Thanks, Lou. I have a card for you w/ pics that has been on my kitchen table for two weeks. I will mail it today! I hope we BOTH hear a little "magic" this week! Love to you. <><
AHHHH I totally can relate I think I had about five of those dumb question/answer sessions at church this morning. Did you get your baby yet? AHH yeah I just forgot to bring him to Easter service... ;) Seems like they all make you feel like you should be doing more. "Can't you just go down there and talk to some people"? I feel your pain! I hope you get the good news you are hoping for this week. You will be in our prayers. -Aimee
This is the very reason I dreaded this day--stupid questions! I though I had heard them all through our period of infertility, but somehow, people have come up with even more stupid (and insensitive) questions through our adoption. Yes, we are missing alot during these months, but isn't our God a God of restoration and I know He is more than able to restore that which we have lost!
I am praying you hear good news this week!!
Amanda
Yeah, people at church remind me all of the time the crucial months we are missing...why do they think that is helpful? I was also reminded a lot yesterday that it is going to be really hard to go visit Eloisa and am I sure that I should really go? Oh I didn't know it would be hard to leave my baby in another country...thanks for bringing that up! My prayers are with you...praying for awesome news this week for you!!!!
Oh I hate that you had a bad day. I remember all too well the STUPID questions from niave people. I feel for you. And yes we adoptive mommas do miss out but when they do finally get home....I tend to think we then don't take the little moments for granted as much as we maybe would've if we'd had them from birth. We cherish every tiny thing. IT will come soon.
Megan
I just got to your blog from Melissa's blog so I guess that makes me a "blog stalker". Anyway, I was so inspired by your faith and hope. It is quite obvious what a wonderful mother you are and what a lucky little boy JP is. I hope that he will come home soon and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Jennifer Rigby
Hi--I'm not sure what compels people to say the things they say. I hear that kind of stuff constantly. Interestingly enough, the people in my life who are the most sensitive are my students. They are always so uplifting versus the adults I work with. I wish these people would realize that we're adopting these babies for life, not just for baby-hood. Whether we get them at 6 months or at 10, they will all grow up! I admire you for not loosing it! I am in the same boat...the beginning of week 6 for PGN and hoping to hear good news. Blessings, hang in there!
Donna
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