I understand that life is not meant to be easy. We are doing a NASCAR series at church. Last week's message was about life being a race. We watched a clip of interviews with different race car drivers. They were asked at what point FEAR entered in to their minds when they were racing. Every one of them said the same thing... "It is an adrenaline rush. It's exciting. Fear doesn't come in to play UNTIL you lose control of the wheel." DID YOU HEAR THAT?? That's when it hit me. I can handle most aspects of this adoption-- paperwork, research, waiting, updates etc... What I cannot handle right now is NOT BEING IN CONTROL OF THE WHEEL!! I have absolutely NO idea when this lap of my race is going to end and it SCARES ME TO DEATH! I am not in control. It's a helpless feeling. You know what else? This is the time when I need my "Spotter" the most. I've learned that a spotter is the person who watches the race from afar and talks to the driver. They warn them of the dangers and turns that are ahead of them. God is my Spotter. He may not always warn me of what's ahead, but He DOES equip me with the tools that I need to finish.
So, what am I going to do? I am going to hang in there. Keep my helmet on. Stay behind the wheel and TRUST God to finish the race for me! That's what we ALL have to do when we are riding through hard times. Let God drive! Hang on, and enjoy as much of the race as you can!
8 comments:
As a NASCAR fan, I appreciate this message! I know it's hard, Andrea. You're doing great. Just hang on to that wheel!
Hang on and buckle up you are almost to the finish line.
amen!
Awesome post!!!! Thanks!
My voices are telling me to tell your voices "Have a great day off"
AMEN! Let's hang on tight to Jesus...it's a wild ride! :)
Thanks for your thoughts!
I don't follow many blogs, but I have started checking for updates on yours ever day or two. Admitting or even realizing you aren't in control is very difficult sometimes. I believe it is one of the hardest things we have to deal with in life. Andrea--10 years ago I was a control freak and I was very good at it. Then things started happening to me. It was little things at first. Now looking back I believe the little things were Gods way of trying to get through to me without shaking me too hard. I ignored all of them, still holding out that I was the one in control. I believe God is good and loving, but it took infertility and a miscarriage for me to let go of the control. And then it took Ryan's birth for me to finally see that the past had to happen so I would be prepared to be the best possible mother to him. You and I have talked about this and you have every reason to be frustrated and tired of being bogged down in this adoption, (yes, I know that is an understatment and doesn't come close to describing your true feelings) but as crazy at it may sound, maybe these days are preparing you for something. Something special and wonderful. Something uniquely yours.
Thank you for the comment! I KNOW that God is preparing me for something greater---that's the only explanation for allowing this to drag on for so long. HOWEVER, I am STILL tired of it!!! I am tired of learning from Him. I just want JP home! I also know that one day when he is home I will possibly look back on this waiting period and be thankful for it--just not yet! I appreciate your support, and know that you have been where I'm at in one way or another, I am just very weak right now. I love God and understand that He knows what's best for me. I accept that. I'm still thankful for a blog where I can journal my TRUE feelings!!
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