John 14:1,5 & 8

On the way to work every morning, I pray. Periodically throughout my day, I pray. At night, before I go to bed, I pray. However, lately when I pick up my Bible to read it, I begin to cry. This has been going on for weeks. It's very frustrating! I know that the Bible is God's primary way of communicating with me. I try my best to focus--nothing happens. My heart, and my thoughts are in Guatemala. When I open His Word I feel myself getting upset. When this happens I usually put my Bible away, and have a cry-fest with God. The same old thing. Questions, screams, tears, etc..... I even bring out the calendar and try to figure out when we need to get "the call" in order for JP to join us on vacation the 2nd week of June! It's a vicious cycle.

I share this with you so that when I tell you what God said to me tonight IN HIS WORD, you will understand just how BIG it actually is.

It happened in church. Our pastor is preaching on the book of Genesis. Tonight he was talking about the promised land and how Sarah, Abraham and all of their descendants were going to be buried there. When Sarah died, Abraham wanted her to be buried in the promised land, b/c that's what he considered his home. We then moved forward to John chapter 14. His point was that, just like Abraham prepared a place for Sarah to rest, Jesus left the earth to do the same for us. This is not our home--Heaven is! Now, I'll admit that my mind began to wonder during the sermon and I began reading all around the chapter. Three verses LITERALLY jumped off the page at me. Jesus is telling the disciples that He is leaving to prepare a place for them. In verse 1, he tells them "not to let their hearts be troubled. Trust in Him." This leads Thomas to ask Him in verse 5, "Lord, we do not know where You are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answers him by saying that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life etc.... Then in verse 8, Phillip says something that I believe the Spirit wanted me to hear tonight. He says, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us!"

YIKES!! What does this have to do with my current situation?? Glad you asked!

VERSE 1: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in Me."

Am I trusting in Him? Fully? The answer is NO! In fact, I spend most of my time questioning Him. To say that my heart has been troubled is putting it lightly!

VERSE 5: "Lord, we do not know where You are going,so how can we know the way?"

I cannot see what God is doing in this adoption process. It kills me. God expects me to follow and trust EVEN THOUGH I cannot see past the day that's in front of me.

VERSE 8: "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us!"

Is He enough for me? God shows me His face every single day. Whether it be through one of the kids at work, a song, or the sunrise that I get to see every day on the way to work. Even with all that He has shown me, it has not been enough! I want more--I want JP!

These verses spoke to me, convicted me, and reminded me that just because I do not see what God is doing through my trial does not mean that He has taken the day off! He's working. What He's doing may just be too big for my small mind to comprehend.

Lord, thank You for speaking to me through Your Word. It felt good to hear from You! Send Your peace to comfort my heart and calm my spirit. I need You right now more than ever. I am so tired. When I feel like my legs are too heavy to place on the floor in the mornings, remind me of You and let that be ENOUGH for me!